Digital privacy checklist before filing for divorce.
Short answer
Before you file. Before you change a password. Before you tell your closest friend. There is an assessment that has to happen first, and the order it happens in matters.
Acting before assessing is the most common mistake in this situation. Changing passwords before understanding what access exists can alert someone who was watching without you knowing. Deleting messages before knowing what has been forwarded or backed up can create a legal problem worse than whatever the content would have shown.
Work through this from a device your spouse has never had in their hands. (See: how your spouse may be reading your messages.)
First: understand what access exists
Check active sessions on every major account. Google, Apple, Facebook, WhatsApp, iMessage: all show which devices are currently authenticated. Go through every one. A device you don’t recognise means someone else is logged in right now.
Check email forwarding rules. Gmail: Settings > See all settings > Forwarding and POP/IMAP. Outlook: Settings > View all Outlook settings > Mail > Forwarding. If there is a rule you did not create, it has been forwarding your emails since the day it was added. Note when it was created before you touch it.
Check location sharing on every app that can share it. Find My, Google Maps, Life360, anything. If sharing is active to an account you didn’t consciously set up, that account knows where you are.
Review app permissions. Anything with simultaneous access to location, microphone, and camera — especially an app you don’t recognise — warrants investigation before you take any other action.
Check connected apps for all major accounts. Google: myaccount.google.com/permissions. Apple: appleid.apple.com > Sign-In and Security > Apps and Websites.
Second: understand what exists before you move anything
What is in shared cloud accounts? A shared iCloud or Google account may contain years of backed-up messages, photos, and documents. Know what is there before you change any access.
Which of your passwords could your spouse approximate? They have watched you log in for years. The pattern is probably recognisable, even if they never memorised it deliberately.
Do not delete communications, documents, or any data before speaking with a lawyer. In most jurisdictions, deleting material relevant to an anticipated dispute is spoliation. The legal consequences are worse than whatever the content might show. (See: deleting evidence vs protecting yourself.)
Third: secure from a clean position
Create new accounts for communications that need to stay private. A new email address your spouse doesn’t know about. A separate phone for conversations with your lawyer and anyone you need to speak to without being overheard.
Change passwords in sequence, not all at once. Everything changing at the same moment is a signal. Work through accounts in order of sensitivity, from a device that is not monitored.
Enable two-factor authentication on everything that supports it. Use an authenticator app, not SMS. SMS codes can be intercepted if your phone account is compromised.
Remove your data from data broker sites. Your address, phone number, and email are published across dozens of sites and findable by anyone motivated enough to look.
During proceedings
No shared devices for anything related to the case. Research, correspondence with your lawyer, reading articles like this one. None of it.
Reduce social media posting. The content you create during active proceedings is the most controllable part of your evidential footprint. The least you create, the less there is to use against you. (See: judges are using your Instagram posts.)
Tell as few people as possible before you file. Each person is a potential path back to your spouse through mutual contacts.
Frequently asked questions
When should I change my passwords during a divorce?
After the assessment, not before. Changing passwords without first understanding what access exists may alert someone monitoring your accounts, and it won’t address other vectors like forwarding rules or location sharing. Assess first. Act based on what you find.
Should I use my regular phone during proceedings?
If your spouse has had unsupervised access to it, treat it as potentially monitored. Use a separate device for communications with your lawyer and anything sensitive. That device should never have been in their hands.
There’s no perfect setup. Anyone selling you perfect is selling fear. The goal is simple: make yourself a harder target than the person next to you.